“Survival In The Age Of The Candy Bar”….a.k.a….”T​he Great Post-Vending Amending”


This is an idea that I made up about a movie which takes place on an alternate Earth and is shown from the vantage point of billions of candy bar-sized human beings who are captured by human-sized candy bars.  From that point, they are sent to a massive underground chamber where vending machines are stored 600 miles beneath the Earth’s surface. The humans are then systematically and strategically placed into different vending machines,separated into individual categories according to their country of origin. After each country has their own particular set of candy bar-sized human filled vending machines ready for placement, the machines are sent off to different cities throughout the particular countries at random. They are then put into office buildings, amusement parks, arcades, airports, break-rooms, etc. for human-sized candy bars to eat at their own will.

The story essentially revolves around the candy bar-sized humans worldwide struggle to escape from the vending machines and eventually build their own cities made out of excess candy wrappers, which the human-sized candy bars continuously shed as they age. Many of the candy bar-sized humans perish after escaping, either by being eaten or stepped on by the human-sized candy bars. The only countries with survivors end up being Togo, Malaysia, Ethiopia and Norway. In these countries, the different techniques used by the candy bar-sized humans to assemble their cities with the excess candy bar wrappers are documented closely. Most of the candy bar-sized humans choose to build their cities in the trees scattered across the land, yet we come to find out that the candy bar-sized humans of Ethiopia have a different plan altogether. They gather barrels of liquid chocolate that flows down various rivers throughout the country, as a result of the human-sized candy bars who couldn’t survive the constant heat of Ethiopia, which is a steady 94.4 degrees, and eventually melted. The barrels that are gathered are then taken to the Sof Omar Cave, which is the longest cave in Ethiopia at 9.4 miles.  It is here where the candy bar-sized humans feel it would be safest to habituate. The cooler temperatures of this cave allow the chocolate to solidify, but before it does, the candy bar-size humans have specific blue-prints laid out for a chocolate civilization to be built.

The chocolate begins to harden, and is cut into different shaped blocks and the other shapes that are needed for creating their future chocolate towers, buildings and houses. One surviving candy-bar sized human in particular, George, has always had a talent for woodworking. He is able to transfer these skills…quite effortlessly…toward chocolate. George’s talents are showcased while he builds chocolate chairs, tables, cabinets, dressers, bookshelves and more with great precision. He often ends up with enough spare time to build toys for the surviving candy-bar sized human children, as well as sculptures of his favorite animal, the gazelle.

The seemingly positive and productive times being shared by all are unexpectedly cut short, however. The surprising culprit for this sudden twist of fate is a major part of the candy-bar sized humans’ different structures, quite literally the foundation that holds their chocolate towers together, the sap of the  four-leaf clover. These clovers begin to experience a sort of epidemic. Seemingly overnight, they begin to produce a thick poisonous film that quickly coats their leaves and melts away the healthy sap, which consists of water, starches and sugars that the plants had absorbed from nutrients through its leaves and roots. This new filmy substance, however, which eventually becomes referred to by locals as “The unlucky sap” slowly seeps into the candy-bar sized humans’ homes, eventually getting onto their bedsheets and soon enough into their food. Without any warning, the candy-bar sized humans begin to perish one by one. Not yet knowing what the cause of all this is, they experience a major sense of loss and confusion. This horrific and unexpected predicament begins to occur not only in Ethiopia, but in Togo, Malaysia and Norway as well, the only remaining locations on the planet with any surviving candy-bar sized humans. Strangely, in each of these locations, the candy-bar sized humans have all discovered the undeniable usefulness of the four-leaf clover. They all place a strong reliance on its healthy sap, thus they unassumingly succumb to its future poison…”The unlucky sap”!

When the candy bar-sized humans feel that they have no one else to reach to, nowhere else to turn, they reluctantly consider their absolute last resort…the human-sized candy bars. Will the human-sized candy bars have any sort of remorse for the candy bar-sized humans, or is it end times for this rapidly depleting race?

See for yourself…in “Survival In The Age Of The Candy Bar”….a.k.a…..”The Great Post-Vending Amending”!



One thought on ““Survival In The Age Of The Candy Bar”….a.k.a….”T​he Great Post-Vending Amending”

  1. danboy82

    Only you could think up something this godly 🚹…I like that life on zertex and a porpoise ponders its purpose especially. This one is very strange, but godly in its originality. You must read at open mic!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person


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